From Mental Exhaustion to Peace of Mind
Amanda O’Shea shares her transformational story after coming across the 3 Principles as uncovered by Sydney Banks.
Community in the Midst of Chaos: A Special Message of Hope
I’ve received numerous emails and texts from people around the world expressing concern and care for us in Charlotte in light of the recent “State of Emergency” here. Those communications are welcome and supportive.
But even more, they are indicative of the value and strength created when people connect with each other – connections that honor each person’s wisdom and resilience. In that connection common unity is experienced – “comm unity” is realized.
It may be difficult to imagine during such tragic violence, but there is value in that people are trying to communicate. Often, because of a long-time absence of true communication and resulting pent-up frustrations, efforts toward communication itself can take on disrespectful forms of violence. Nonetheless, people are trying to communicate.
In Charlotte, communication is being recognized more and more community-wide as essential. There are many people who have been coming together in peace for discussion and understanding. The news outlets do not often carry this fact, but it is happening across our city. In fact, CSC’s own Social Media Content Creator, A.M. Stewart, organized “Meditation for Love and Healing” supporting Black Lives Matter during this past week of protests. (Fox News got the event name wrong.)
Key to my efforts is the sharing of how mutual respect is the most important element of true communication. Until every person sees every other person as truly, totally equal – each having unlimited access to wisdom, each having the ability to contribute to the health and resilience of the entire community, then true communication has not been achieved.
It is my thought that despite the violence and ugliness of recent days, our community is in fact moving toward – not always in a straight line, but nonetheless moving toward– greater respect. Let us pray that this movement can be achieved with the least possible resistance.
This schism of thought is not unique to Charlotte. This is a national issue affecting every community. It only takes one unfortunate and misunderstood event to initiate personal thinking that can create extreme emotions and lead to unhealthy actions.
Each of us can help our communities understand the inside-out nature of life, that our personal thoughts about external events are what creates our emotions and actions, and that everyone can go beyond their personal thinking and hear wisdom and see clearly the most peaceful and healing courses of action.
What are you doing now in your community? Initiate a discussion group, meet with other community leaders, write a letter to the editor, or speak at a City Council meeting. Everyone can be involved. Everyone can do something to encourage communication and respect – to create the space – the pause – to allow wisdom to surface – to listen deeply to others allowing collective, community wisdom to surface.
Let us at CSC know what you have done or will be doing. We’ll share your thoughts and actions with others.
It Started With A Game
Isn’t it funny you don’t realise what you have until you don’t have it anymore? Usually we mean this to be something we’ve lost that we treasure. In this case losing something has been the best thing that has happened to me and my family. Let me explain…
As a teenager I remember feeling self conscious, lonely and depressed once or twice to the point of wanting to end my life. I didn’t even know what depression was then, the label came a few years later and I self diagnosed myself. I didn’t talk to anyone about my feelings, I just sat in my room, thinking and thinking and imagining how life was so different for me than everyone else. I learned to put on a good front / mask.
Anyway swipe through to a few years later, I didn’t do bad at all in my life I have a wonderful loving, caring, understanding husband of 12 years, I have 2 beautiful children and loving parents. I also had a well paid job that I loved and was good at.
However, I still had self doubt, I cared a lot what others thought and I lived my life and made decisions based on outside influences such as friends, family, adverts, society etc etc… I thought this was just the way life was… there was, however, something constant in my life, episodes of depression, sometimes they’d camp out for one or two days and other times they really move in and stayed for longer and dragged me down deeper. I coped though, tablets sometimes, acupuncture, reading all about it, drinking, diet changes etc etc
I got through some pretty traumatic times and was quite grateful for getting through 3 IVF rounds, split from my husband for 6 months, 24 week premature baby and then the diagnosis of my eldest child on the autism spectrum, without ending up in a straight jacket.
I went back to a full-time full on IT traveling job when my children were still young and hired childcare. I loved the freedom that my job was giving me and I spent 1 year putting my all into getting up and running after being 6 years out of corporate life.
What I wasn’t focusing on though was the beauty of my children growing up in front of me. I thought that having more money and being a corporate working Mum was who I needed to be to have what everyone was saying “my identity.” What I wasn’t focusing on was the wonderful husband (and parents) who were so patient with the stresses and strains of managing both our travel plans, jobs around the house at the weekend, the commitments of parenting (grandparenting) plus the biggest thing of all a constantly stressed out out wife / daughter.
So supposedly I “had it all.” So why then did I feel so unhappy most of the time?
I remember very clearly the day before I was going to go on holiday I was in a meeting in work and all the insecurities that I had about being back at work and who I was started to descend on me. I was shaking, I had thoughts about how rubbish I was at my job, I couldn’t do it, I was a fraud etc. I could hardly function in the meeting. I made a decision that made me feel better in that moment, I was going to hand my notice in when I got back from my holiday.
I read Jamie Smart’s Clarity book on holiday.
Something got my attention, but I really have no recollection what. I don’t think the words “three principles” or “Syd banks” even popped out as relevant to me at the time.
I played a bit with some of the ideas while I was still on holiday, giving people my full attention when they spoke to me for example… sounds simple doesn’t it? It was fun and I enjoyed trying out this new game.
So I went back to work and I thought I had nothing to loose as I was going to hand my notice in anyway, I tried out some things from the book, listening mainly with nothing on my mind… although back then I don’t think I really knew what that meant.
Almost instantly in a few days, I hadn’t got the insecure thoughts I’d had before the holiday, I just couldn’t imagine them anymore, I became curious about some other areas in the book, tried them out and saw more changes at work. Still a game.
Fast forward to the end of that year, I had gone from an average performer to a top performer at work and winning two awards – one of which was for innovation. I had never won an award in my life!
This really was interesting… so I read more books about something Jamie mentions in his book Three Principles and a welder from Scotland called Syd Banks… well living life started right there…
Its been nearly 20 months since I first read that book and I have been through such an amazing journey of learning and it still continues.
During a 6 month period I started to question why I was working in a full-time full on job. I would wake and have different thoughts every day. One day I’d wake and I knew I loved my job, it was good money and I had got where I was with hard work, so I shouldn’t leave, then on the other days I’d wake with a pure longing to be with my children, and then as time went on I just knew it was the right time and place to be at home with my children and I’d just have to look for work around the children’s school hours. One fear I had at the time was would I have regrets if I left? I was frightened of regretful feelings, would I be able to cope being at home? Now I see what those fears were.
Finally I knew I could trust my wisdom fully and I realised I had to leave, so I handed my notice in. My company offered me all kinds of working hours and workarounds to keep a valuable employee, things I never would have ever dreamt of asking for in the first place. I stayed for another 6 months working around the needs of the children and still doing my job with less stress and doing more productive work than ever… and then one day I just knew it didn’t make sense anymore.
I have just had the most magical beautiful Summer with my family. No regrets about leaving work, very happy and content in all areas of my life.
Having spent time on Jamie’s year long practitioner course, deepening my understanding of the 3 principles, has truly had a transformative effect on my life and the people around me.
I knew from the beginning that “I was living in the feeling of my thinking of thought taking form in the moment” all the way through I knew this to some degree, but I kept getting caught up and sometimes even questioning whether it might be different in this situation.
Now I absolutely know that it works that way 100% of the time with no exceptions, yes there are times when I still get get caught out, but for me the more I trusted and “tested” situations out and saw that it was always that way, the implications on life have been enormous.
So going back to my opening line… what don’t I have anymore thats made me realise what I had? I had a misunderstanding about how our reality gets created.
Taking away this misunderstanding allows me to constantly see the pain and unnecessary feelings that I once had and that people around me have.
Equally it enables me to see the beauty of the world around me, like family, nature and friendships, all my senses are alive to the world and allowing me to experience a richer world. The implications of this is slowing down, being present with loved ones.
We all love “How to’s”…but there really is no shelving problems, there is no shoving things under the carpet, there is no thought changing method, all there is to do is to understand how our thoughts create our feelings and reality in the moment.
Emotions, memories, beliefs… all thoughts in the moment. The only thing that can happen when you see this misunderstanding is the feeling and thoughts dissolve away or you have the choice to take no notice. It just doesn’t make sense any more.
Sometimes I forget the game and thats when I get hood winked into thinking that something other than my thinking is causing me stress, fear, pain, I have too much investment on an end result, that I don’t trust the inbuilt guidance system we have. That guidance system is what got me through teenage years, IVF, Premature baby stages, I am here safely DESPITE my misunderstanding.
The misunderstanding
As a teenager I had no idea that all the thoughts I created about my self image, self loathing, what other people were saying about me, the lonely feelings were all created by me, not other people not teachers not my parents, not my body, my clumsy sociable ways. All thoughts created by me… never questioned, and yes a good downing of alcohol cured it all for a while.
“I had it all” – what did that mean? Whose beliefs were they? Media / friends / society? If so why did I did still feel pain? Again never questioned any of this, why would I?
The traumas – how did I manage to show up every day when I thought my little baby was going to die at the hospital? Even at that time I knew something was carrying me through.
I even thought it was Jamie’s book that gave me the good feelings and thoughts, I was caught again. Some people might read Jamie’s book and not see it. Some do and it takes longer, some immediately… without trying out “having nothing on my mind” I might never have seen it, through the judgement and beliefs I had about myself and the world.
Work, I truly and honestly thought that going to work would make me feel happy and give me my identity back.
I felt happy when I was working …BUT it wasn’t the job that was making me happy. Remember at the beginning I wasn’t happy? I was insecure. Then my state of mind and thinking about the job changed as I understood more… more clarity meant I had the ability to enjoy the job, but the job was still the same, the people were still the same. For me I was playing the game well, but then I realised I was playing the wrong game.
I thought that giving up my job and being with the children would make me happy. That situation had nothing to do with it. I was able to trust my wisdom that it was the right thing to do at this moment in time. Following wisdom meant the decision came with no regrets or guilt.
So why am I telling you this? Why am I sharing this information?
From someone who was not looking for herself, thought she had it all in life and thats as good as it got and had to live with painful feelings and thoughts, who doesn’t come from a formal coaching, mentoring or teaching background. I know from living through all my experiences in life with the misunderstanding, I can now see what caused me so much unnecessary pain.
I now know my job in life is to share this with others, to ease their suffering and pain.
Beyond Resilience
My first glimpse of the potential and possibility of the Three Principles understanding was during the Nepal earthquakes in 2015. In the midst of a volatile, uncertain time I found an inner source of resilience, resourcefulness and ease.
I’d only begun my explorations a few months before that by watching videos from the Three Principles Conference in London. When I found myself shaken and afraid, I realized this was going to be a defining moment- I was going to find out whether people are the victims of circumstance or whether we really do have freedom in any situation like these teachers were saying.
What I found was that my internal life of feelings and experience was independent of the external happenings in my life.
During those weeks after the earthquake I found my internal state could fluctuate between optimism and fear even if nothing changed on the outside- it was still Day 7 after the earthquake, aftershocks were still coming, the future was still uncertain and the enormous task of relief and rebuilding remained the same; yet my feelings about the earthquake, my life and the future could vary wildly from moment to moment.
That showed me the freedom we each have internally to experience life differently.
Since then, it seems to me the richness of that insight into the nature of how we human beings create our experience has continued to deepen and unfold. My sense of ease and light-heartedness has increased as has my optimism about life.
Grateful for the gifts and practical value this has brought into my life and work, I’ve begun to take this understanding into businesses, non-profits, communities and schools.
Convinced that people have untapped potential to resolve every challenge they face, I’ve started to reach out to a broader community of change makers across Asia and have begun the conversation of how we can better understand and resolve some of the biggest challenges in the region.
For anybody curious, interested or passionate about how this understanding can affect change in individuals, organizations and communities, you can reach me at mahima@mopcommunications.com
Mahima Shrestha
The Effects of Anger by Bryan Ryan
I had a client last year, a woman in her 50’s who lived in the rough inner city. She was the “salt of the earth” kind of person, who lived with a lot of anger in her life. Her 16 yr old daughter was wild, and the two of them would have countless arguments between them. She also had Crohn’s disease which was flaring up quite a lot as well.
The meeting with me was probably the first time she was able to sit down and have any kind of a peaceful conversation with anyone. Now this lady is smart, street smart, she needed to be to get by from day to day.
Within about 30 minutes of talking together I had the opportunity of teaching her in very simple terms how thought works, that every feeling of anger that she was experiencing was simply created by her own thoughts, that she was in fact making these thoughts up, just like a Hollywood producer makes up a movie from the vivid imagination of their own mind.
And she saw it, very quickly. The affect was instantaneous, it’s as if all of a sudden the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders, and she knew that she was going to be ok from that moment on.
When she came back to see me a week later, she told me that her relationship with her daughter had improved dramatically, because she herself, had been a lot calmer during the week. Her neighbour commented that she heard her singing in the morning, and wondered what was up.
She only needed to see me one more session, as so much had changed in her life for the better. On top of that she said that the wrinkles on her forehead had disappeared, as well as the swelling in her ankles. Her Crohn’s disease also did not flare up anything like before.
The effect of a calm mind has huge implications for the health of the body. Our bodies are made up of about 50 trillion cells, and each cell is being turned on and off by the chemistry in the blood. Since the chemistry of the blood is changed moment to moment by our thinking, so our thinking is directly causing cells to turn on and off. Stressful thinking is turning good cells off and bad cells on.
And after a matter of only about one half hour of negative thinking this has changed the physical body itself. The word “disease” is lack of “ease”.
The trick is to marinate in the sweet spot of calmness, as much as possible, as that’s where all the goodies are, and that’s it in a nutshell.
Bryan Ryan (Mental Health Educator)